Christmas table done

It's so good being home for Christmas.

Saturday morning breakfast

Such a good fiancé

For introducing this into my life.

Why River Island? Why?

Why do River Island feel the need to plaster their name on all of their bags? I really like this bag and the price is very good but I won't buy it purely because of that little gold plaque on the front. Very annoying.

If I could raid New Look right now

This is what I'd buy.

I saw the boots in New Look on Saturday but naturally they had every size other than my size 4s. I don't know whether to buy them online. I have no idea what I'd wear them with, with skinny jeans? With a skirt or dress? I've lost my fashion direction.

Maybe I could wear the dress with the boots...?

I'm on a cardigan kick at the moment and really love those two. I need another denim skirt for the sake of having a new one to wear with boots and a warm winter jumper.

I spend a good amount of Saturday searching town for a new bag but failed terribly at finding one. New Look in Cardiff tends to be a bit of a jumble sale at times and there was no way I was going to find a bag there, but I don't like to buy a bag online unless I've felt how it feels.

I want

I'm feeling quite demanding so here's a list of my current wants.

I want...

• Topshop to be cheaper
• No dry skin on my nose
• People to reply to me when I send them a message or email
• My photographers wife to not be so crap at her job and reply to my e mails
• To remember where I've put things in my room
• To have my fiance here
• To live in lovely home with said soon to be husband, in some sort of Cath Kidston fantasy that said soon to be husband would no doubt hate
• A new job that I like
• Direction in life
• To earn more money
• Shops to have a proper selection of autumn/winter clothes in stock
• A kitten or two
• The Cardiff Blues to move back to the Cardiff Arms Park as the Cardiff City Stadium makes me sad and frown inside
• To find the motvation to finally alter the dress I bought from Boohoo many weeks ago
• Hair that will stay in curls

Quite a mix of a list but those are some of the things I want at the moment, some things I'm more likely to get than others. Hair that will stay in curls is out of my reach forever I think.

Looking forward to being 'normal' at last

In 17 days time Matt will arrive in the UK for good. It will mean an end to the months and months of waiting, it will mean that if one of us feels like a hug or a kiss we don't have to wait months to get one, we can have one the same day. It will mean that instead of me being able to run around in my car whenever I feel like it I'll have to ask Matt if he wants to come or if he wants to go somewhere. Two years ago I would have hated to have done this. Asking someone if it's ok to do something in case they have plans was the main thing I didn't like about relationships, it felt like a part of your independence was being taken away. Now I can't wait to have to ask someone if they have plans on the weekend. There are parts of my life that I can't wait to share with Matt, whether they are mundane things or things that make my life extremely happy, I'm glad I'll have someone to share them with.

I'm very, very excited to take Matt to his first rugby game. It's going to be to the Cardiff Blues vs. Edinburgh in September. We've even got him a Blues Card like the rest of us. Rugby is a massive part of my life and pretty much always has been, I'm Welsh afterall, and I'm looking forward to sharing my excitement and nerves before a big game with him. I don't know what Matt will make of the game, but I'm hoping he'll like it. I will admit though, it's going to be strange not just going with my dad to the games as it usually has been.

Hopefully I'll be able to take Matt to the Museum of Welsh Life, otherwise known as St Fagans Museum. Thankfully he's into history (albeit modern history) otherwise this place would be lost on him. I think it would be better to go when it's not half term and there aren't kids running around the place, but then I can't remember ever going to St Fagans and there not being kids running around. Either way, the opportunity to show him a part of Welsh history is one I can't resist.



Another rugby related thing I'm looking forward to is taking Matt to his first Welsh international. I'm hoping that it'll be against New Zealand this autumn so we'll be able to see the haka. There's nothing quite like Cardiff on an international day, it's bound to be an eye opener for him but I'll be excited about it weeks before the game. I can't wait for him to see the whole of Wales prepare for international games, as rugby is pretty much a religion here in Wales we do tend to go a bit OTT when it comes to our egg chasing. Maybe he'll even get his face painted outside the City Arms, who knows.



The week after Matt arrives in the UK, we're heading to west Wales for August bank holiday with my parents. We've hired an apartment in Saundersfoot and will be staying there for three nights. I've been holidaying down in west Wales since I was in the womb, literally, so I'm very much looking forward to sharing this part of the world with Matt. I'm excited to show him places I visited as a child and tell him stories about the area. Whilst we're there we're planning on heading to St David's city, a beautiful city which is actually a very small village but has the honour of being the UK's smallest city thanks to it's rather wonderful cathedral. I've been to St David's more times than I can remember but it never loses it's charm.



Back in Cardiff I'm looking forward to going for lunch in the New York Deli. They serve some of the best sandwiches/bagels/hoagies ever, in addition to that it's the only place in Cardiff I've ever found Mountain Dew...even if it's £2 a can(!)



I'm not sure we'll manage to get there before the wedding, but when we get back from honeymoon I'm really looking forward to going to the winter wonderland in Cardiff city centre. All of a sudden ice skating looks quite romantic when you know you'll be doing it with your husband.



So there you have it. Just a few highlights of places I'm looking forward to going with Matt, but what I'm really looking forward to doing is sitting on the sofa watching TV or reading the newspaper and just being 'normal'. Normal has never looked so good.

John Lewis I salute you

Sometimes...

...life is a bit crap.

Wedding related stress is crap, especially when things feel out of my control.
Work is crap in general. Management are terrible and my job is slowly decreasing my IQ by the day.

There are plenty of things to be positive about though:
Matt moves here in 21 days.
I've applied for a new job (ignoring that it's part time and I'll have to do my current job half the week).
I'm looking forward to events and parties coming up that Matt will finally be able to come with me to. This may be a bit sad but I've waited an age for this.
It's nearly the weekend. Just two days to go.
Matt leaves FL this week, I'm happy for him as I know he's happy.
This Friday I'm going out with the girls, I'm looking forward to girly chat.
On Saturday I'm going on a shopping day with my mum. I get to spend my birthday money and gift cards.

The great debate

To join twitter or not? I am rather slow on the uptake with this one I know.
Hmm...

The verdict

My Boohoo order came today, cue much excitement on my part. I've already tried the dresses and the top on and I thought I'd give a brief opinion.

The star top is lovely, really lovely and just what I was looking for. It's floaty and romantic, I wore it out a little while ago (to B&Q of all places on a wedding related mission) with a pair of skinny jeans and ballet pumps. It all went together well.

The hope floral dress is probably going back, which I'm quite sad about. The pattern is great, the length is perfect but what the picture of the dress on the Boohoo website does a good job of hiding is that the split at the front of the dress goes all the way down to your belly button, I may as well have had no top on as I was showing off everything under the dress. Whether this is because you need to have a decent sized bust to wear it I'm not sure but I'm disappointed. I thought about trying to tack the split up to a decent level and see what it looks like but if that fails it's heading back.

The other dress I love! It's floaty and very girly, most certainly a winner.

I've not yet tried the cardigans but I was sad to get an e mail from Boohoo yesterday saying that one of the cardigans (of course the one I wanted the most) was sold out and they were going to refund me. When I put the cardigan in my basket there were between one and six left in stock but someone got there before me. How sad. The hunt shall continue for a beige cardigan.

For my birthday on Monday I received gift cards (Topshop, Waterstones and Debenhams) and some money from various family members. I was told in no uncertain terms that the money was not to go towards anything wedding related but was to go towards ME! I've decided that I'm going to try and wait until the autumn/winter stock comes into the shops and buy some nice new winter clothes. I'm not sure what I'll get in Topshop to be honest, I've looked on their website and there's literally nothing on there I want. I already know the Debenhams card is going towards some Estee Lauder Double Wear (technically for the wedding but shh).

Becoming a girl

Fashion wise I'm a simple soul. I pretty much live out of jeans, t shirts and hoodies along with Converse. It's comfortable and easy to wear, but I always end up thinking that I'm dressed like a teenager despite the fact that I'm nearly 25 (tomorrow!). I've often browsed through fashion blogs of girls a good five years younger than me but who pocess a fashion sense much greater than mine and who aren't afraid of wearing what they want. I usually end up feeling a bit self concious wearing skirts or dresses, I'm not sure why this is. I don't feel like this if I'm dressed up for a party but wearing dresses or skirts in the day leaves me feeling like I'm sticking out like a sore thumb.


My mother commented last night, quite rightly, that I should be wearing more dresses and skirts. I have a good pair of legs so she tells me and I should be showing them off. She did throw in a comment about Matt wanting me to look more girly but he doesn't mind what I wear, I do wonder if he'd mind if I turned up at our wedding in jeans and a hoodie. Perhaps he wouldn't, but I'm sure everyone else would.


In an attempt to start looking more girly and more grown up I browsed the internet for suitable clothes that would achieve this look for me. This lead me to Boohoo.com. I've browsed this online shop many times but never bought anything but I decided that last night things would change, so I ended up dropping probably more money than I should have but not a huge amount. The money that bought me six garments on Boohoo would probably have only bought me two in Topshop (my dislike for Topshop is ever growing) so I don't feel too bad about it.

I bought the following:

I'm a sucker for anything with stars on, even my bedroom ceiling is covered in them thanks to Matt. Stars + girly + floaty = winner for me! Hopefully I won't look quite so grumpy when I wear it though...

How cute is this dress?! I need to find a belt similar to go with it so it won't just hang on me. That's also the hair colour I secretly want but don't have the guts to go for.

Another very pretty dress! I can see myself wearing both of these dresses with sandles but I'm not quite sure what else to wear on my feet with them.

Two cute cardigans to go with the dresses and the red one just because I couldn't help myself, I'm not just a sucker for stars, I'm also a sucker for red.

So there we go, a couple of things that will hopefully turn me into a bit more of a girl.

It's so wrong it's glowing

Breakfast in the pub

Bacon, egg and sausage buttie. Tea. Rugby. Perfect.

This time last night I was sat in a restaurant with Matt. Now he's back in the US.

It's difficult to put into words how I feel. I feel adrift, lost, empty...

When I found out that my nan had died I didn't cry. Not a single tear. And yet I feel like this now when Matt has gone for nine weeks. I've shed a lot of tears today.

Two week holiday

Today is the last day of my two weeks annual leave. Matt is currently on a flight over the Atlantic somewhere going back to the USA leaving me here randomly welling up and sniffing but not bawling like I did last time he left. This time has been easier so far and I think it will be overall as there aren't five long months left until we see each other again, only (hopefully and depending on the visa process) nine weeks. Over the next nine weeks we're going to be up to our eyes in the visa process and getting ready for Matt's move here, it's going to exciting and stressful all at once.

Over the last two weeks we got a lot done:

Went to London for the day
Went to Paris for three nights
I tried on my actual wedding dress
The men sorted the suit hire
We went to see the vicar to talk over wedding plans

Those are just the main things, it's been a great two weeks of being a normal couple doing 'normal' things.

I can't wait until he's back.

Shopping for honeymoon

:D

I know you're jealous

Bank holiday garden grub

Worst tan EVER

Omg

I'll start every day like this please

Hair

I can't wait until after the wedding, I'm planning on doing something other than the odd trim with my hair. Whether that's a fringe or cutting it off, I'm not quite sure yet. I'm currently loving these styles.

Courtesy of A CUP OF JO

Courtesy of S.B.V.

I tried having a side fringe years ago but it didn't last very long, it wasn't very thick and I played with it all the time causing it to become greasy so in the end I grew it out and that was that. I would still really like one though but I'm not 100% sure I'm brave enough.

Summer has arrived

In the form of potted bedding plants at least. It's been a strange day of drizzling rain, clouds, high winds (causing one side of my body to freeze in work) and now glorious sunshine. It really is lovely outside.

Yesterday, after I managed to drag myself up to get dressed at a very late hour, my mother and I went off to Peterstone to visit a nursery to pick up some flowers for the summer pots. It's somewhat of a tradition that has developed over the years between my mum and I. Tonight is the night they're going to be potted, but before they were planted into their new homes for the next couple of months I took some photos. Not very good photos I'm sure, but photos that weren't taken with my iPhone!

Fuel

Mug four...or five today.

Something other than a photo

I have a new bed, I'm finally back in the land of the double bed and oh how I've missed it. It was installed yesterday and what a difference it's made to my bedroom! It actually feels like a grown up room now and strangely it feels more like a bedroom than it did before. The mattress is, at this stage, perhaps a bit too firm for me so I may have to get hold of a mattress topper to see if that makes things a bit more comfortable.

Thanks to imcountingufoz I have been introduced to a new online shop (this one should you be wondering) and right away I have found the perfect summer dress to wear to Jon and Mike's wedding party on the 29th but woe! they've sold out of my size :( Gutted. There's so much on that site that I would love though but I'm being good. The being good today is a result of shelling out nearly £100 for Matt and I to go and see the Harlem Globetrotters on 6 June. About three days ago Matt and I had a rather sleepy conversation (on my part) and he told me that he's always wanted to see the Globetrotters, last night I was browsing online looking to see what gigs are coming up this year and there were the words telling me that they're in Cardiff on the day Matt flies in! I had to double check with him to make sure I hadn't dreamt our conversation as it seemed too good to be true, but no, I hadn't dreamt it. I have no idea what to expect from the whole thing but Matt informs me that it'll be "amazing". I'm looking forward to it as I'm sure that if he's having fun I'll have fun.

I've been in e mail communication with the vicar that's marrying us and we've arranged to go and meet him on the 9th June to have a chat and have a good look around to church to see how we want to decorate it (!!). I'm thinking about e mailing him just before and asking him if I can take my camera, then I'll be able to share some photos on here. It's so small inside, I love it. I'm hoping that me, my dress and my dad will fit down the aisle.

I'm off to Marseille on Saturday for the night, I've heard mixed reviews on what it's like there but as I'm only there to watch Cardiff Blues vs. Toulon in the Amlin Cup final. I'll be back in Cardiff by 11pm on the Sunday, yay for having to get up at 6.30am the next day.

The plans for my hen do are being organised by my maid of honour, the plans have changed so many times thanks to me changing my mind but I think I've finally settled on the idea of having a bridal shower at home. I know that Ann Summers has been mentioned but other than that I don't know what's happening. It's ages away yet but I'm already nervous!

Summer

Soup for lunch

It's not turning out to be what I need on a day like this.

Shopping

Following on from this entry, I bring you this entry to show the difference in supermarkets (and perhaps classes).

I have just spent £15 on the following at Asda:

Box of Cadbury's Brunch Bars
Pack of bagels
Two large bags of mixed salad
A small cheese and onion quiche
Pack of pesto salad (pasta in pesto sauce and pine nuts to go with salad in case you were wondering)
Two mini pots of salad dressing, one French and one balsamic
Pack of croutons
Deoderant
Cotton wool pads
Nine pack of Walkers crisps
Ham off the bone
Eight yoghurts

Bit different from my trip to Waitrose isn't it?

Had to get drenched to get here

Hopefully the force will be with us this afternoon

Breakfast

Brufen to stop my migrane in it's tracks.

My first time eating granola. Not bad.

Today's lunch

You shouldn't be on the road

She can't park her car at the pump and is stuck in the car. She's
about 80.

Lunch

You know you're jealous of me as I sit at my desk eating this.

Oh bloody nora

I just managed to spend £17 on the following:

-Bagels
-Cream cheese
-80 tea bags
- A birthday card
- Box of brunch bars
- Small bottle of semi skimmed milk
- A candle

?!

Ok, so the £8.00 candle didn't help...

Sunday

I have mostly sat around and done nothing today. Sometimes I feel like it's a waste of a day when I do nothing and other days I love just lounging around after a week of getting up at 6.30am. Today I feel like it's a day wasted. It's not as if I have anything I could have been doing, I did think about popping to Boots to have a wander around but in the end I just didn't have the energy. My grandparents came over for lunch, I managed to fall asleep in the living room while they were here and missed them leaving. Tomorrow is my great aunt's funeral, I'm not sure how it'll go as the last funeral I went to (in January) was my nan's. Provided that I don't drink anything or too much at the wake I'll force myself to go out. I'm thinking of a trip to Starbucks to get a chai tea as I recently found the gift card I had from Matt's mum for Christmas, then I can pop next door to Boots.

I've finally decided that I'm going to go ahead with having my hair coloured. I'm going to put myself in the colourist's hands and see what she says. Hopefully I'll be able to book in for 8 May, the same day as my friend's hen party.

Here's to a three day week.

To end, I love this Sunday Edition from Snippet & Ink. It makes me smile inwardly just looking at it and makes me wonder what faces I'll be pulling on the big day.

After

I know you can't tell the difference but I can! The woman that did it
recommended copper highlights to be put through it if I wanted to lift
it. I'm tempted.

Also, it took me three attempts to take a photo of myself in which I
didn't look smug.

Haircut at 1.30pm

And this is why, I get to wave goodbye to an inch of it. Before shot.

Rugby!!

Friday night is getting off to a good start

Time for a haircut

Jobs

I don't tend to hide the fact that I do not like my job. I've not liked it since the first week I started there, which was only at the end of January. Since that very first week I have been looking for and applying for other jobs. I can't imagine that it looks all that great to prospective employers that I've only been in the job for three months (and three days if we're being super accurate) but I'm hoping that my nicely crafted way of saying "The job description was a lie" goes down ok with them. I've never had less responsibility in a job, I used to complain that my very first job when I left university was boring and I had no responsibility, but in comparison to this role I may as well have been running the hospital. That's how little responsibility I have now. So why did I apply for the job I hear you ask. Truth be told that on paper my current job looked really appealing, it looked like it would be the next step up in my career ladder. How wrong I was. Audio typing for 7 - 7.5 hours a day wasn't in a job description. My job title is not Audio Typist. If that's what the job had been advertised as I wouldn't have applied.

On Tuesday morning I had my first job interview since starting to apply elsewhere. The job sounded amazing, the pay was great and the company is very well known. I was with the company for just over an hour, the first 30 minutes was spent carrying out a work based assessment in the form of audio typing a letter (I did chuckle to myself about that) and then I had to answer around six questions on diary management, such as how would I make sure my boss made it to all the appointments he had in his diary for that day (I didn't like to mention in the interview that clearly 'my boss' needs to be spoon fed and therefore why is he in a position of such power). Following that I was lead into an interview room and was faced with four, yes four, people who would all be asking me questions. It was just me and my glass of water, which I drank all of by the way, against the world. I was told that they would be getting back to the successful candidates (there were two positions available) either that night or the following morning. That night, at home, I waited. And waited. At last my phone rang! Alas it was only my father telling me to look into the sky as there was a plane flying overhead, the first we had seen in days. We're easily excited in my family. By 7 pm I assumed that I would have to wait until the next day. Thankfully I had work to keep me occupied so I didn't really think about things too much but I was slightly nervous, which is very unlike me as I've never been nervous going into an interview or when waiting for the result. Around 9.00 am (or 9.08 am if, again, we're being accurate) my phone rang. It was them. I answered the phone trying to sound cheerful when really I wanted to shout "You'd better be calling to offer me a job! Get me out of this place!" I didn't get the job. I was devestated. I was told that I'd be given a bit of feedback there and then but that she'd give me more feedback on Friday afternoon. The gist of the conversation was that I had done brilliantly in my interview but that small things had gone wrong in my assessment which had meant that two other people had edged in front of me.

I'm still, over 24 hours on, gutted about this. I don't know why employers feel it's comforting to tell someone how brilliantly they did in an interview but then not offer them the job. It's no comfort. I am glad, however, that they're bothering to give me feedback. A lot of places now don't even bother to call you to let you know if you've been unsuccessful, which I find terribly rude after all the effort someone has gone to in order to fill out a long and boring application form and then to actually get to the interview. Manners, it would seem, do not matter in an employers market. Today, for example, I received an e mail from my local council telling me that after consideration of my application I was not going to be offered an interview for a job I applied for. I will admit to being slightly baffled by this as I met every single point on the essential criteria list, I went to the effort of spelling out each point to them. The application took me hours. I e mailed them back asking for feedback and where my application fell short. That was around 10.30 am, I've not yet had a reply and I'm not expecting one.

But I must move on. Next Friday I have another interview, thankfully there's no work based assessment involved. I just have to talk at the panel and keep my fingers crossed over the bank holiday weekend that they offer me the life line I need.

Summer wedding

All this wedding planning makes me want to take some time out and actually be a guest at a wedding. I've not actually been to many weddings in my 24 years on earth, in fact I've been to four, two of which I was bridesmaid in. One was when I was very young and all I remember of it is the dress I had to wear, think peach, satin and puffball. My mum tells me that I loved it at the time and didn't like to take it off, now I see it as a fashion crime. The second wedding I was bridesmaid at was when I was about nine or ten, it was my aunt's wedding. I remember pretty much all of that day, even having to get up really early after sleeping with curlers in my hair and being made to go out to the hairdressers like it. I liked my dress much better then. The other two weddings I've been to were registry office weddings, short and not very personal but they suit some people. I'm going to a civil partnership celebration next month so that's as close to a wedding I'm getting this summer. What I want to do is go to an all singing, all dancing summer wedding. One where after travelling from the church guests mill around on the lawn of some lovely manor house drinking champagne or Pims. There'd be bunting and fairy lights hanging from the trees, one that I could wear a lovely summer dress to.

I wish one of my friends would hurry up and get engaged! Come on guys, it's my turn to be a guest.