Thursday, 10 April 2014

Being alone


I've been feeling pretty lonely lately. I've been laying in bed wondering what the feeling is that I get when I get under the covers, it's something lurking in my chest but I've not been able to put my finger on it until a day or so ago. I miss getting into bed at the end of a long day and chatting to someone I love. I'm lonely.

Before I properly got together with my ex we had a long distance relationship. He'd call as I was going to bed and we'd talk until I fell asleep then he'd call when he was going to bed (usually around 3am my time) and we'd talk on skype until we both fell asleep again. When we were together we'd lay in bed and chat about stuff, I don't really remember what but I remember it being nice. Comforting.

Now I get into my usually cold bed, alone. It's fine. But I miss laying there just talking about crap, films, how my day had been, plans...whatever. 

I have things going on at home, health related things (not me) and I want someone to give me a hug and tell me that it'll be ok. I want someone to hold me or just cwtch with me on the sofa, I miss that so much. Physical contact. Holding hands, kissing, the usual stuff. 

I've been a moody cow lately, I'm not afraid to admit it. I've been frustrated and snarky to anyone who crosses my path, it's been like a cloud has been following me around. People are annoying me. Because of this my patience is wafer thin, I don't have time for people who are hiding their true feelings, people being passive aggressive, people trying to bull shit me or people I care about. It's like I have an angry ball of knots in my chest, it's not a nice feeling.

I have wonderful friends, friends who make me feel less alone when I'm with them, friends who may read this and tell me that I'm not alone. I love them for it, but unfortunately they can't crawl into bed with me and pull me next to them and cuddle me until I drift off to sleep. Hopefully this feeling will pass, but in the meantime I'm not ashamed to say that I'm lonely.


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4 comments

  1. I know that feeling, I've just moved and I'm terribly lonely. To top it I'm newly single so my loneliness is through the roof. I know what you mean, you can't cuddle up to your friends at night, every night. It's not the same as having a cuddle at the end of the day and sharing everything with them. :(

    xx

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    1. Oh no, I'm sorry that you're lonely :(

      I guess the loneliness is just part of the course of being single again after being with someone for so long, I'm sure it won't last for long for either of us :)

      xx

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  2. I hope you begin to feel better soon. I say better, as I know feeling lonely isn't great. Feeling lonely is good in a way though because when you have been in a relationship for so long it's good to get to know yourself as an individual again, so stay strong (cliche but totally true) I wish you all the best in the future :)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you :)

      I know what you mean about getting to know yourself when you're on your own, I definitely feel like I know myself more and what I want from life now.

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