Thursday, 1 May 2014

Dating: when are you ready?

I think my excessive book buying may be indicative of time alone
I have managed to reach the age of nearly 29 having only ever gone on two dates, one of which I wouldn't describe as a real date. I follow a few lovely ladies on twitter who tweet mainly about their dating lives and I honestly find it fascinating, but I also wonder how they drum up the nerve to do it. I'm a complete wuss when it comes to admitting to someone that I like them, in fact I've only done it once and look how that ended up. The thought of going online and arranging to meet up with a complete stranger for dinner or a drink is terrifying to me, thoughts range from any of the following:

What if they're not like they looked on their profile?
What if they're only on a date for one reason starting with s and ending in x?
What if they see me from a distance, hate the look of me and do a runner?
What if they try and kill me?

As you can see, I lack confidence in that area of life.

However, I've reached a stage where I do want to date. But I kind of want to date someone who I either know or someone who is a friend of a friend for example, someone with references I suppose. Last October I never ever thought I'd be attracted to someone again, I knew I'd end up alone forever (alright, I do still sometimes think that but who doesn't?) to be found dead only after someone noticed a strange smell coming from my house. Yet back in January something odd happened, I looked at someone I had sort of seen around in the month or two previously and I found myself smiling. I'd developed my first crush. 

Now, I wasn't expecting anything to come of it but it was amazing to feel that again. To be reminded of what it felt to feel a bit nervous around someone, to clam up and not be able to talk around them for fear of saying something stupid but at the same time to think "Damn, you're hot." The crush is sort of still there, simmering along in the background and I'm fine with this. I don't intend on acting on it as unfortunately I don't think my confidence could take the rejection right now, obviously I wouldn't say no if he asked me out, but I find that really unlikely to happen...which is ok, honest.

Going through what I have in the last seven months makes you really evaluate your life, I now know more about what I want from life and about what kind of person I want to spend it with. I suppose you could say I have a mental shopping list of what I'm looking for in a man (I would write it on here but I don't know if I should), no one will ever tick all the boxes but hopefully there's a person out there who is what I'm looking for. I know I can't expect someone just to walk into my life like they do in the movies, I'm not fussed on the idea of meeting someone online and although I'd love to meet someone the old fashioned way I suspect I'll eventually end up on tinder or match as that seems to be the only way to meet someone in the 21st Century. For now, however, I'll continue to buy books.

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4 comments

  1. I totally sympathise with where you're coming from! It felt hard getting into the dating wagon and trusting someone again but the first guy I went on a date with after my break up is now my boyfriend and we met online! Keep the faith there are good guys out there and there's nothing wrong with having a shopping list!
    xxx

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  2. Make sure your friends know that you want to date! It sounds like you're open to being set up, so make sure your friends know this and are paying attention to potential dates of their acquaintance.

    As far as online dating goes, I'm a big fan and it definitely gets easier with practice. While people do still post misleading photos of themselves, it's far from the norm, especially in our age group. There are certainly people who are only looking for sex, but if you're upfront about what you're looking for, most of them won't waste their time one someone so unlikely to provide said sex. I have never once had the second two happen -- I make sure I post accurate photos, so my appearance isn't a surprise in any way and there's something to be said for meeting in a public place after telling a friend where you'll be and why. :)

    While I think it's important to know what you want and need, be careful about making a shopping list -- you're dealing with people after all. If the list sticks to important things like shared goals and values, it can be a useful tool. However, many people list things like "glorious abs" or "must be over an arbitrary height" or "loves this band as much as I do" and those details aren't enough to build a decent relationship.

    Best of luck to you. I'm happy to help if you decide to try online dating.

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    Replies
    1. My good friends know, I met a friend of one of them a few weeks back and he was nice. Someone I'd definitely be happy to get to know, even if nothing came of it.

      My shopping list is more like having similar goals in life, being adventurous in what they eat (my ex was a burger and fries kind of guy, it drove me nuts) etc. The silliest thing on my list is that they must like dogs, either already have one or want to get one in the future.

      Thanks for your tips :)

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