At the beginning
of last month I wrote about how I'd got on after three months of
online dating. I was ready to quit it all as I was fed up with it,
but after reading some truly lovely messages from you guys I decided
to try tinder. I did it on the spur of the moment one night, mainly
out of curiosity to see if it's really possible to find a
relationship that way. I knew it was possible for some people, my
brother met his current girlfriend on there, but would it be possible
for me?
Well, today I
deleted the app.
Before you all
cheer, it's not because I've found myself in a relationship but more
because I just need a break from the whole thing. In the month that I
was using tinder I went on one date, it was a good date, the guy was
very gentlemanly and we chatted away until it became apparent that we
were one of only two tables left in the place and the staff were
wanting to shut up. It was that kind of date. However, the guy was
pretty hopeless at keeping in touch and despite two sketchy plans to
have a second date it never happened. I didn't bother replying to his
last text because by then I was fed up.
Dating, in my
experience, has been hard work. All those online conversations which
all resemble pretty much the same thing:
- What job do you do?
- What do you do for fun?
Maybe you like the
sound of each other enough to swap numbers or maybe it just fizzles
out. Once a date has been set that's when my nerves set in, on the
day of a date I get really nervous.
I think I've managed to work out why, and weirdly it's not the
conversation (I've discovered that despite not enjoying small talk, I
can politely chat with someone for long enough to say that I at least
attempted to see how the date would go all the while knowing I wanted
to leg it) but it's about the guy being what I imagine and the
potential for the let down of them not matching the image in my head.
It's also of me not liking them and knowing that if I don't there
won't be a second date so the cycle begins again.
I
can't date multiple guys at one time, that's something I've
discovered about myself over the last few months. To be honest this
is something I would have said before I started dating, I'm just not
programmed that way. I like giving someone my attention without
others competing for it.
This
takes me back to tinder, last week I managed to make a friend on it,
which I'm pretty sure isn't the purpose of the app but sometimes it
just seems right. Granted, he's a friend who is aware that I find him
attractive and him me, but friends is what we are. The whole time
I've been dating I've been discussing it with two of my closest
friends, both are loved up and happily don't have to play the dating
game. I've lost track of the amount of times that I've complained
that what I really want is a friend who turns out to be something
more, unfortunately that hasn't been the way it's gone for me as I
don't really have that many male friends.
Today,
whilst on my lunch break I decided to delete tinder. It was gone
within seconds. So five guys and one friend later, I'm out of the
dating game for a while. The timing suits me, domestically things
(that I'm not going into here) look like they're about to change and
that could keep me occupied.
I
still want a relationship (why does it feel so lame to admit that?),
I want those evenings cuddled up on the sofa watching Netflix, those
silly texts that make you smile, the kissing (man, I miss the
kissing) and the hand holding. But for now, those things will have to
wait.
I'm dabbling with online dating and i keep friend zoning myself
ReplyDeleteThe only guys i end up having a fun, enjoyable conversation with, the attraction seems to go and i'm like you'd be a great friend x
Is it that your attraction to them goes or you think theirs to you goes? There's no harm in gaining friends through online dating, you can still meet up. It's difficult to say what the chemistry will be like until you meet up.
DeleteTurns out that I'm going on a date with the friend I made in a couple of weeks, if the chemistry needed for more dating isn't there then that's cool as we'll still be friends. It's a win win situation with friends :)