Saturday, 3 October 2015

The downside of living alone

Yesterday I was reminded that living alone can be scary as well as awesome (need I remind you that living alone means you get to wander around in your underwear?)

As I was getting ready for work I pulled a muscle in my upper back, which then went into spasm. Not to sound too dramatic, but it was the worst pain I've felt in my life. Give me my tattoo over that any day of the week. I stood frozen to the spot in my bedroom whimpering through the pain and not sure whether I should move or not, only when I was about to faint did I move towards the edge of my bed in order to sit down. I figured that if I did faint at least I'd have less distance to fall.

The first thing I did was text two colleagues to tell them I wouldn't be in work, and then I called my mum crying in pain and through being afraid. I was afraid, at that point I didn't know what was wrong with me. I suffer from health anxiety so I automatically jump to the 'it's cancer' 'I've broken my back' 'I'm dead' mentality. Thinking back on it, I'm not sure why I thought contacting work was more of a priority than contacting help but there we go.

My mum called for an emergency doctor's appointment for me, they wanted to call an ambulance because I couldn't breathe properly but thankfully she said no (being admitted to hospital is a major fear of mine).

The problem was that my bedroom is on the top floor of my house (a townhouse) and even though my parents have a key to my house, I'd put the chain across the night before. This meant an agonising journey downstairs to take the chain off. I'm not sure how I did it, but doing it almost made me faint again. By that point I'd realised that standing was less painful than sitting so I stood in my living room, sobbing, until my dad arrived.

I'm incredibly lucky to have family who are only 15-20 minutes away, but days like yesterday remind me of just how scary living alone can be with no one immediately available to help me if things go wrong.

For those wondering, the doctor told me that I'm holding a lot of tension in my back which caused me to pull a muscle which then spasmed. I'm drugged up to the eyeballs and unable to move far from the sofa or drive for a few days. I need to learn some stress busting techniques I think!

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